they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
