he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize