Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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