Who wears a wallet chain?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
