I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
