Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
