Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
