I wanna bring you to show and tell
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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