reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
