I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk is not a location!
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