Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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