I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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