I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
