Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
