Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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