I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
