im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
