Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
