I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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