I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
