If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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