I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Send help, water and tortillas.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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