Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She bit a glass in half.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
