they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
