Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
