Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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