I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
