Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
