I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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