broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
