i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
