My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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