I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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