no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
