I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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