Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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