dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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