its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
