If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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