I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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