When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
