well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
