I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
