i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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