CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
