just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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