i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
