we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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