Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize