You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
