if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
