one two three fourrrrnication!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
