it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
