He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
