I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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