Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize