god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
