If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
