if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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