does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
