just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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