So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
