You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
