ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
