i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
whose parrot is this?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
