Don't you send me to vm
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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