you traded sex for a burrito?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
