have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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