I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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