I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
