Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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