I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
