Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
