you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
