I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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