omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
