It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
worst night to have a conscience
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
