and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
